


I can't keep up

by herewegobacktomoon



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herewegobacktomoon/pseuds/herewegobacktomoon
Summary: First of all, I wanted to thank you all for all the kudos and the beautiful comments I have received on my previous work: I'm very happy you liked it.I worte this new work taking inspiration from a prompt left in the comment and I really hope you'll like it.Let me know what you think and whether I should change something or if you have any advice.Thanks for the attention!
Relationships: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Kudos: 89





	I can't keep up

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned two characters from Grey's, Amelia and Andrea, because I know them, but I have never actually watched the show.  
> In case there are some incogruities, I'm sorry in advance. If so, please let me know so that I can check and fix it the next time!!  
> I will no longer bother you, I hope you'll enjoy the reading!

It was 7.30 pm and Maya had just finished her shift: it had been an endless day of work where they had to rescue an entire family whose house caught fire because of a gas leak, but putting it out had been way more difficult than they expected.  
She was extremely tired, every part of her body was aching, except for her heart: it was beating fast, almost jumping out of her chest at the thought of finally being able to see Carina. On her way to the door, she tried to call Carina, so that she would have known where to wait her, but she didn't answer. She tried to call her again, two or three times, but there was no sign of Carina. Thinking that her girlfriend had probably got stuck in a long unexpected surgery, by the moment her shift should have been over at 6, she headed to Grey Sloan to see what was happening.

As soon as she stepped into the hospital, she bumped into Amelia Shepherd, who welcomed her all covered up, wearing two masks and a face shield to protect her, but with smiling eyes: “Hey Maya! How is it going? Have you come to rescue your girlfriend?” she said jokingly.

“Well, it's hard but everything's ok, luckily. What about you? Yes, I've come to look for her, she didn't answer my phone calls, so I thought she was in the middle of some kind of last-time surgery or stuff like that..” answered Maya smiling.

“Yes, we're all good, thanks! Ehm..Actually I haven't seen Carina for at least one hour, but she should be in her office. It has been a very tough day, above all for her...Go check on her, as you probably know, she doesn't talk too much about what she goes through...”  
Maya nodded in approval, now looking a bit concerned, thanking Amelia and heading straight to Carina's office.

As she entered the room, she said softly: “Hi bella, I've missed you. I tried to call you earlier but you didn't answer me. Is everything ok?”. After closing the door, she turned around, in order to be able to see Carina, and she couldn't help but smile.  
The Italian was all curled up, with her head on her desk, hiding between her arms, still with her scrub on: Maya could tell she had fallen asleep at least an hour ago, as she didn't make a move at the sound of the door closing.  
She walked towards her, hesitating a little: she stared at her, with eyes full of love, thinking that Carina was the best thing that could have ever happened to her.  
Then she got closer and when she was right in front of her, she lowered to kiss her head, gently stroking it, but Carina didn't move.

Trying to wake her up without scaring her, Maya crouched, putting her hands on Carina's thighs, caressing them and looking up to her face: “Hey babe, wake up...are you ok?” she whispered. She didn't want to ruin her sleep, but she knew it wasn't good for her to sleep that way and in that office.  
After a few seconds, Carina slowly turned her head, struggling to open her eyes: as she saw Maya, she tried to put herself together, even though her movements were still a little bit delayed: “Oh my God, I'm sorry Bella, I was checking a patient's report and I must have fallen asleep. I'm sorry, I'm...” Carina anxiously stated, suddenly waken up by an as implacable as unexplained worry.

Maya smiled at her, pressing a soft kiss against her lips: “Don't worry bella, no problem for me. I've really enjoyed watching you while you were asleep. But tell me, how was your day?”

Carina grinned and added: “Well, you should have got me wake up as soon as you arrived! Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Today has been very tough...”

Before asking what happened, Maya focused her attention on her girlfriend's face: her cheeks were red, probably due to the pressure against the arms, but her eyes were red too, as if she had cried before falling asleep. She didn't want to ask too many questions, she would have preferred Carina to tell her about what had been going on, so she simply said: “Why? What happened?”.

Carina got up from her chair, taking Maya by the hand and leading her towards the couch she has in her office, and decided to sit down on it: the blond followed without saying a word. Tilting her head back, against the backrest of the couch, she replied. “I don't know, too many things going on: two surgeries, my brother, the pandemic itself... I can't keep up”.

Maya took her hand back in hers, and brought it to her mouth, in order to place a gentle kiss on it: “Oh babe, I'm sorry. Tell me everything, I'm here for you.”

Carina took a deep breath, then turned her head, looking at Maya, without saying a word.  
There was something between them which was new and inexplicable to both: their eyes could talk, no matter how many words they were thinking without being able to say them out loud. Their eyes could read them all.  
Indeed, Maya opened her arms, slowly twisting her body, so that Carina could come and rest against her chest, hidden in the warmth of her girlfriend's comforting hug, an offer she was only waiting for.

Now resting with her back pressing against her girlfriend's chest, she continued: “Today was really hard: as soon as I got here,there was an emergency with a woman in labour who needed to be operated, as her baby had been having trouble breathing and his heart had a very low pulse.  
We were able to get him out just in time, saving both the mama and the baby, but there were some complications with the woman so it lasted for about 4 hours.”

Carina sighed as if she could feel all the tension of that moment back in her body again: Maya noticed it, felt her stiffening, and started kissing her neck, then lowering to her shoulder and asked: “Wow, it must have been tough!! But you're an amazing doctor bella, you found the problem in time and this gave you the chance to save them!”.  
She would have liked to ask her about the second surgery, but she didn't know what had happened, so she didn't know what reactions her words could provoke, she didn't want to upset Carina, so she just waited for her to reply.

“Thank you bella, but I only did my job! Anyway, the second surgery didn't go as well as the first...  
I mean, both the baby and the mama were ok, actually there were even less complications than the previous surgery, but something dreadful happened. When the woman delivered the baby, by the moment she had been skipping her check-ups for the last 5 months, she didn't know her baby had a heart defect, and when she found it out, she decided to leave the baby at the hospital, she just didn't want that little girl any more...”. 

Her voice was broken and she titled her head back, now resting in the space between Maya's neck and shoulder, trying to keep all her tears inside.  
Without even seeing her eyes, Maya could tell she was about to cry: her breath was heavy and she was slowly sliding down the couch, as if she was trying to hide and disappear. In order to calm her and remind her she was not alone, Maya tightened her grip, took Carina's hands and started stroking them, moving then to her face, where she had arrived just in time to wipe the first tear Carina had shed.

“Oh babe, I'm so sorry you had to go through all this today. Sometimes, people just fear the worse: probably that woman was too afraid to face something like that. But it's not up to you, it's not your fault if she did what she did. You don't have to feel guilty. I know you don't show it too much, but I also know that you're the most sensitive person that exists in this world, even though you try to shut your feelings down, to avoid being disappointed. But this makes me love you even more.” said Maya warmly, delicately kissing her girlfriend's red cheek, in the attempt of making her feel any better.

“I know, it's just that the thought of that little girl, left alone, even though she will probably find a family, really upsets me. I don't even know why...I'm not judging the woman's decision, I perfectly understand the fear, the worry and all, it's just that the idea of her being abandoned just because she isn't perfect makes me both angry and sad...it reminds me of...argh..” said Carina, before starting to cry again. 

Maya didn't get what she was talking about, but now it was not that important, she would have figured it out later: she made Carina turn around, now chest to chest, and hugged her without saying anything, every now and then lowering to kiss her girlfriend's head. She had always been that kind of person who trips up on her own words, never knowing what to say, but in that moment, it wouldn't have made any difference: Carina just needed her to be there, to be present, and she was trying her best to show it.  
Carina didn't move: she hid her head, pressing it on the blonde's chest, similarly to a kid who has just fallen down and got hurt. She just wanted to disappear in the warmth of Maya's body, pushing all her thoughts away. 

After some minutes in that position, all curled up, with Maya never loosening her grip and Carina feeling safer and safer between her arms, the latter tried to say something, with her voice still sounding broken: “I'm sorry bella, I don't know what happened to me... it's just that it reminds me of my childhood...”. She then wiped her tears, moving her hair away from her forehead, and placed a kiss on Maya's neck.

Her girlfriend, after pressing a light kiss against her nose, replied: “ You have nothing to apologize for. Hey, remember? I'm here for you, as you're here for me. It was you who taught me to talk about our problems. It's normal, things can get overwhelming for everyone, also for my very special and amazingly hot Italian doctor. What matters the most is that you don't have worries about reaching out for help. I love you Carina, and I want to stand by you, to laugh with you but also to help you when you need me to.”

Carina's heart skipped a beat: she was tired, her eyes teary, her hair a total mess, but her heart felt safe and knowing Maya was there for her made her calm down.  
“ I love you Maya. I don't know how you do this... you always arrive at the right time, using the right words and you make me feel better. It's incredible.” she said, hinting at a smile.

Maya giggled and raising her eyebrows, quite proudly, answered: “The secret is to never leave. And I'm not going anywhere without you.”

They both laughed at Maya's statement, and then cupped each other's faces: with all the tension created by the eye-contact they were making, they couldn't help but kissing, a long, gentle kiss which warmed them up.

A few minutes later, they were no longer lying, but sitting next to each other on the couch.

At first, Maya hesitated, but then she couldn't stop thinking about a word Carina had mentioned before breaking down, so she asked: “Hey, I was thinking about what you were saying before, and...I don't want to upset you, so if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine by me, but I was wondering...what did you mean when you said that the little girl reminded you of your childhood? Do you know people who have been through stuff like that? Or it's about you?”.

Carina knew that Maya would have asked about it, and probably she had tried to avoid that topic before just to wait that question, so that she had no excuses to keep it to herself.  
Without even acknowledging it, she started playing with her fingers and her rings, more in an insecure way than a nervous one, and Maya immediately noticed it, taking Carina's hands in hers, keeping on stroking them, gently rubbing her thumbs on them.

Carina looked at her wide blue loving eyes, and finally decided to open up: “When I was a little girl, back in Italy, and my parents divorced, my mum decided to come to the U.S. with Andrea, leaving me there with my dad. I know that she decided to bring him here with her instead of me because he was too little to handle my dad's problem, but I didn't use to see it that way... I've always had that feeling that if I had been a better daughter, with better grades, with some plans in life, she would have probably brought me here too. But I wasn't as perfect as my little brother, and I've always felt as she had left me alone... I know it's stupid, I...”

Before she could finish, Maya immediately interrupted her: “It isn't stupid at all. It's your feelings Carina and they matter. I'm sure your mama didn't mean to leave you, or think of you as her “imperfect daughter”. Probably she made a wrong choice, but that doesn't mean that what you feel is stupid, let alone unimportant.” She then looked at the Italian who was carefully listening to her and added: “Hey come here, I want to show you something...”

Carina was caught by surprise, but she got closer to her, curious to see what she had in mind.

They stood up, Maya still holding Carina's hands: “Close your eyes.” she said, putting one of her girlfriend's hand right on her chest, so that it could feel her heartbeat.  
Then, she leaned to place on Carina's lips an endless kiss.

After taking a deep breath, recovering from that feeling, she asked: “What did you feel? The first thing that comes to your mind?”

The Italian hadn't got the point yet, but she replied with a smirk: “Well, your heart feels like you've just won your second gold medal, it's beating really fast.”

Maya couldn't help but giggle and said: “Not that you're wrong, but I just proved my point”.

Carina now looked even more confused: “ I don't think I'm following you.”

Maya continued: “We've just kissed, and I could tell it wasn't just me who enjoyed it, but still the first thing you noticed is how I reacted to it, instead of focusing on the emotions it provoked to you.  
What I am saying is that you care too much about other people, which is not bad at all, but you often forget yourself. You have to learn to listen to your heart first, to your feelings: I know that it was probably screaming my name and you didn't want to give me the satisfaction, but I need you to remember one thing. You are important, you matter, always.”

Carina smirked at such a self-confidence, which she knew was only an attempt from Maya to steal her a smile, but her eyes were now teary again, this time for joy, because Maya's words had truly moved her. 

“I don't know what to say, you amazes me every time. I couldn't be any luckier in life. I love you bella, I truly do” the Italian said warmly, pressing her forehead against Maya's.

It was 8.45 pm, they had spent more than one hour talking in that office so they decided it would be better to head home.

After picking up all her stuff, Carina walked towards the door, followed by Maya, who was looking forward to going home.  
Out of the blue, before stepping outside the office, the Italian turned around towards Maya and said: “Oh, anyway... I forgot to say that you, Captain, would have probably arrived second if our hearts had to compete... the gold medalist is Italian this time!”

Maya smirked, in the softest possible way, kissed her girlfriend and replied: “Well, if so... my honour to lose, then.”


End file.
